"The Curse of Shallowness"

I can't remember a time when I did not think of myself, (as well as most other men I knew), as shallow. Now, having been single for eighteen years, I have had a long time to practice shallowness.

What exactly do I mean by shallow? I will try to explain.

When I was twenty years old and in the Air Force defending my country from some sort of threat, I came across the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. We dated for a month or so, and I was happy just being with her and looking at whatever body part was available to me. She was very sweet, yet brought vacuity to a new level.

One day I woke up and thought: I can't do this anymore. I stopped seeing her because her beauty was not enough. Seeing her more then one time had been a demonstration of my early-on shallowness. I was young, so what the hell.

Having said that, in the intervening fifty-odd years nothing much has changed. Have I been interested in the brightest, best-educated, most charming women around? Of course I haven't. I would never hold intellect against a woman, but if she was not attractive, I was not interested.

A couple of months ago I joined an Internet dating service, and have gone out with seven or eight women from that source. The first woman that I went out with asked me what was there about her "profile" that I found

Interesting? She was not thrilled when I told her that I hardly went past her picture and contacted her because she was so pretty.

That is what I mean by shallow. The bad news is that I am not the least bit uncomfortable in saying, "I am very shallow, and proud of it."

On the other hand, I wish I were less interested in the outside of a woman, and more interested in her mind and character.

I have been dismissive of so many women because they were not particularly attractive. In my one post-marital relationship, I was attracted to a woman because I thought that she was very pretty. Only after a while did I discover the truly interesting and endearing things about this quality person.

I understand that I need to change my attitude about women. If only I knew how to do that.

It would help if I actually believed what I am now saying.

Norman Horowitz

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